Wearing too many hats!

I am so completely overwhelmed with the amount of things I need to do - writing final exams, grading papers, making dinner, washing dishes, the dirty floor, making lunches for tomorrow, bathing myself, etc. - that I think I'll just admit defeat, crack a beer, and update the blog.

This is how I feel increasingly: as if I can't dedicate any effort towards any one thing and do that one thing well. I am ambivalent at certain things: I regard my disgusting kitchen floor with a shrug of disdain, but don't feel compelled to sacrifice sleep to remedy the problem; I feel twinges of guilt the papers piling up waiting to be graded; I regret that I make it to yoga once or twice a week at best. The only thing that kills me, however, is when I feel I am doing a shitty job of being a mom. How many times a day does Cam come up to me and adamantly demand, "Stop!" while I am trying to blow dry my hair, or "Mama come play," while I am trying to make her lunch and breakfast, or "Mama sit!" while she is eating and I am trying to do the dishes. I can't help but think of how the moment she turns 13 she'll wish I paid SO much less attention to her and then I'll regret that I couldn't let the dishes pile up and just freakin' play wedge-its with the girl I love best in this world.

This poem sums it up best for me:

Bearhug, by Michael Ondaatje

Griffin calls to come and kiss him goodnight

I yell ok. Finish something I'm doing,

then something else, walk slowly round

the corner to my son's room.

He is standing arms outstretched

waiting for a bearhug. Grinning.

Why do I give my emotion an animal's name,

give it that dark squeeze of death?

This is the hug which collects

all his small bones and his warm neck against me.

The thin tough body under the pyjamas

locks to me like a magnet of blood.

How long was he standing there

like that, before I came?

Joel and the girl share a tender moment, while wine tasting at Jacuzzi.

Auntie Gigi was here this weekend. Cam always loves that! Another person to dote upon her endlessly. We had a nice visit with Jen as always and so much appreciate her frequent visits.

These vids are from a weekend excursion with Amy and Francisco to Lagunitas Brewing Co. Cam stole the show. She took the stage and danced most of the time.

Girl's got some skills.

Ames leaves for Peru so soon! We will miss her while she's gone, but will appreciate all the fun Peruvian knowledge she'll bring back with her.

Cam is becoming more and more capable of stating what she wants, politely when requested. Her rhetorical skills have even ventured into negotiation. Tonight, after she finished eating and said "shoos please"= May I Please Be Excused, the looked me dead in the eye, held up her finger as if to make a salient point and said, "I play Wedge-its two minutes." I was so thrilled by her ability to read her audience (me) and understand my disposition (concerned about time) and make the appropriate appeal. What a girl.

We are looking forward to a visit from the Frozenas in less than a month. We are mourning the Packers loss, but this girl is happy to think of all the Sundays to come with no mandatory football bunging up potential weekend plans. Although, the forecast says that the rainy season begins Thursday. Boo! I mean "Yay!" we really need some rain.

Love you all!